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Birthday?!! Yaay.. um wait!!

Happy 4th of July America!

talking about my birthday? well the kid inside me wants it to be all lavish with bumpy castles, food, confetti, laughter, games and friends. But it is not so I am afraid. I don’t really have a plan for my birthday every year. Usually i just cry for a cake at least, to my dad (yes I am 21 years old). That is what i did last year, which somehow added to 3 cakes brought by my neighbour, brother and a dear friend of mine. Yes my birthdays are not so special. It really never was after few personal tragedies.
My birthday is here again this month. So inspite of others making it special for me or not, I have decided to treat myself and be my special someone and enjoy my day. I am thinking of finally buying a DSLR Camera. And I am really proud to say that I am gonna buy it with my money which i have collected for years and earned with my first summer job. Also I plan to buy something out of it for my family and also for the temple nearby, as it was my first pay. And yes a special thanks to my brother who is willing to provide his financial assistance in case I fall short short of money ūüėÄ
So yes I am really excited for my Birthday this year.
Earlier I always expected people to make my birthday special for me which obviously led into many disappointments. This time I will do it for me.. ūüôā

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Written for The Daily Post¬†– It’s Your Party

 

Mrs.

Dear Mrs.

You must have been used to others calling you that and not with your first name. This tag given to you by the institution of marriage has somewhat faded your identity. wherever you go, this tag never leaves you. i know you wish sometimes that you were the same carefree maiden, with your own identity doing whatever pleased you. such is the irony of the institution of marriage, for some all it provides is love, comfort and continuity of the family name and race. while for others, it is a tag which one has to carry their whole life forgetting on the way who they really were. And that tag being Mrs.

hope you will not just be what you are right now and will take a step further to make your voice known, to establish your voice again in this world.

yours lovingly

Ms

I have real friends. or maybe not.

This is a phase of my life where i have become really negative. I am always eager to point out other people’s mistakes, telling them the way things should be done and that they are wrong. And getting irritated myself if someone points out my mistakes. I am bitching about people more than usual (hey! a bit is fine, i am a human and a girl you know). You can say i have become a BITCH!

On the other side, I am still loyal to the people who i was to viz. my friends, cousins, family. I still love them they way I did before and will do always. I love them inspite of the fact that they are not perfect. Oh common! No one is. I am so not HAHA!

But what made me lose many people in my life over these months, was it my negativity? what was it?

Aren’t friends supposed to tell you that ‘Honey! you are kind of being a Bitch lately. so slow down. Appreciate things.’

Well some did and some didn’t and they just left. This one friend of mine started giving me a silent treatment.. I know I bitch a lot and might have said a thing or two which she didn’t appreciate. So i stopped saying it. But you gotta tell me if it hurt darling! even then i thought I’ll ask. I kept asking for more than a month, if anything that is bothering her, maybe something personal, and since i am one of her closest friends, i know something is wrong, yet she didn’t tell me. So now i thought of giving her time and reaching out for me when she likes rather than me suffocating her with questions. its been more than 1.5 months and yet i am waiting. I still sent her a text and asked what’s happening and stuff, still those plain replies.

the Question is is it OK to let go because you are clearly unwanted or just keep trying?

Well I am glad there¬†are¬†some¬†who gave me a smack on my head and said ‘stop being a meanie!’ so well i do have some friends who stick by me no matter what while others left.

It is truly said your hard times show you who your real friends are and who were only a part of the reel that has now withered away.

To Trust or Not To Trust : A Dilemma

She, a sad soul
crushed by her past
trying to carry her heavy heart
trying to just keep going
to get past another day and another night
 
She doesn’t trusts anymore
the word has lost its meaning for her
for whenever she trusted
someone defied that bond
 
One day she told to herself
That she won’t trust anymore
not a thing, not a person
but gradually she became tired of being alone
tired of not being able to love
not being able to be loved
 
She made her inner person understand
trust again, not everyone is the same
go out, absorb the warmth of the sunlight,
love and be loved,
don’t be afraid to let out.
 
She tried again
still afraid to get hurt
but not so afraid to not try again
she now smelled the lilly, the rose, the tulip
walked barefoot on the green shining grass
again ready to try one more time
 
One day she met someone
who tried to charm her
in a subtle and gentle fashion
he also crushed by the past
still had some love left within
it made her closer to her
for she could relate what was it like not to be loved
 
Gradually and gradually she started falling for him
got angry if she didn’t hear him a single day
she made a sweet little spot for him in her gentle heart
finally started to trust again
 
But he kept raising questions in her mind and heart
she trusted him and did not wanted to let go of that bond.
but the things she saw hinted at some other facts altogether
somewhere that trust had crushed a little
that she had developed with him
 
What is left is the final confrontation
for when she will meet him
she will be full of thousands of unanswered questions
she is afraid of getting her trust crushed again
she always believed no one could be trusted again before she met him
now she is afraid of being proved right
 
Once in her life she wants to be proved wrong
a huge turmoil and dilemma whirling in her heart
to trust or not to trust again?!!

Relationships

It is easy to define and characterize people in relationships, but then do we actually realize their essence and importance? This is the complex part.
 
Ever thought why we do not have the same set of friends we had few years ago? Maybe because you guys fought, or you just stopped talking with each other for no reason at all or many reasons altogether. All what we do is just give a name to that relationship say a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend. After making all the efforts to attain the name or status of that relationship, we stop working towards it and investing our efforts and time into it. lets say we take those relationships for granted. this is the easy part.
Relationships are something easy to make, yet sometimes complex to maintain. You need to make an effort, however small it maybe to keep it alive. A person starts to get bored of the same routine and the same person as days pass and as you start knowing almost everything about that person. There is nothing left to know or talk about. what happens then? The Relationship is over? That is the time it actually starts. Start exploring new activities and stuffs together or maybe even alone. This is how you are able to share the knowledge gained from that new thing with the other person. Every person reacts to any thing, new or old, differently. By exploring that activity together, you might discover a new side to your friend or partner which you may have never ever seen before. By exploring that activity alone, you will provide your knowledge and experiences to your friend or partner and maybe get them to do that activity too.
 
Also, there are few people who get so engrossed into the so-called science of relationships, that they forget to live life. We sometimes try so hard to impress that person in our life, either friend or partner, we forget to value our own happiness. We start pretending and stop being who we are, what defines us, what makes us unique and special. And this is why again, our relationships starts declining and soon they are over. We seem to be lost again. Like the character of Joe in the famous movie What Happens in Vegas played by Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz, we become all exhausted trying to work out our relationship. But when she was actually in a relationship, where she did not have to pretend and impress, she actually started being happy and eventually found her man.
 
Relationships are easy and simple yet complex. we just need to find that right balance between our own happiness and the person we are with. sometimes, just being by someones side is all that matters. You see life is all about exploring new things. So meet new people, make relationships, value them, invest your time and energy into it. Trust me the results will be manifold in the form of immense care and love.
 
loads of love xoxo

A Wound So Deep

A wound so deep,
Inflicting pain in her,
Poking its needle day after day making her hollow each coming day.
 
The tears have replaced laughter,
The chirp now concealed,
She is yelling, shouting and screeching,
But no one hears her scream.
For she is wailing in her heart,
She is not fighting the world but herself,
Not letting anyone come near her.
Just showing a happy face from a distance to deceive the world,
Like a doll with a happy face in the showcase of the toy shop,
But caught in the glass walls of the box.
 
She wants to express, but she fears denial.
She is afraid of being lonely, yet she wants to remain alone.
Maybe it is better not to express.
For whenever she expressed, She just got denial.
She once loved, but the love left her.
Flew away to some distant place, A place unknown.
Happiness flowed out of her, making her still and pale.
She could now never laugh again.
She could now never feel again.
She was now numb.
 
Someday she will prove this wrong.
She will smile, laugh and sing again.
Screaming to the world, that she is no more afraid.
Love will embrace her in its arm that day.
She will express, She will dance to the sound of her mother singing through the clouds,
She will realize she is beautiful in her own way, She will be herself that day . . .